Have a little faith in me.

It’s really scary, to think that I’m currently in a place where no one loves me. That’s not to say that people don’t like me, or care about me. That care isn’t anything special though, that’s just basic human decency. If I’m sad, it doesn’t make anyone else sad. No one is going to make any notable sacrifices in order to see me happy.

I understand that love takes time, even just in friendships. You have to build that connection, that special bond. In recent months I’ve become very withdrawn, and that has led me to feel especially lonely, more so than ever before. I think this is a common “freshman year of college” thing, but I can’t help but feel like certain situations I’ve been in have made that feeling of loneliness and isolation even worse.

I just miss feeling important, wanted, needed. Like I make a substantinal impact on someone’s life. I’ve been so fucking miserable these past few months that I’ve turned into someone who’s very weak, very fragile, very vulnerable, and I absolutely hate that. I know I have people to help me feel stronger. But they’re miles away. Words can only go so far. Nothing is more comforting than the presence of someone who actually, truly cares about you and your wellbeing.

I’m looking forward to being home for Spring Break. I just hope those days mark steps in the right direction, towards happiness once again, not a relapse into something that is just going to cause me unnecessary pain.